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Diablo Cody is this twenty-something, tattooed young gal who just won the Oscar for her original screenplay for "Juno". "Juno" is a movie about a sassy, verbally-precocious teenage girl who gets pregnant, everyone around her says something witty and then she meets this witty couple who want to adopt her baby, which she initially thinks is a good idea, but then thinks she might keep the baby. Some shit happens. People say some uncomfortably self-conscious witticisms, the baby is born (or it isn't) and then the movie is over.
I've never seen "Juno".
I probably never will see "Juno".
The truth is, I don't fucking care about teenage pregnancies in comedies or melodramas and the current fad of writing characters who speak like they're already aware that a movie is being made about them, in an unnatural way that nobody actually speaks like, makes me want to throw up on my shoes. It's snark, dressed up as charm and it's as lifeless as a Romero zombie. I blame "Napoleon Dynamite" for convincing Hollywood that having your characters mouths move and form sentences, in between the long, vapid staring is the same as having them actually converse.
I digress.
I probably won't see "Juno" any time soon. I have placed it on the list of "Movies that are not targeted to my demographic and therefore I have no interest in". It's sandwiched right between "The Trip To Bountiful" and "The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants". I don't hate these movies (in the same way that I fucking hate the recent spate of rip-off movies, like "Epic Movie", "Date Movie", "Meet The Spartans". I fucking HATE those movies. I want to punch them in their fucking faces). No, these movies are just movies that I don't care about, either way.
And so it is that I know as much about the screenwriter for "Juno" as I do about the movie. Vague notions of the plot, picked up from articles and gossip and the attention-deficit reporting of most news programs. "Juno" is the first screenplay by Diablo Cody. Apparently, Hollywood went apeshit for this script, bidding high for it and then rushing it into production. Maybe it was for the easily marketable concept and the clear reach for a specific target audience or maybe it was because the language was just so, fucking hip, or maybe it was because Hollywood hasn't seen a script that isn't an adaptation of a comic book, video game, toy product or Disney ride in so long that they went bonkers for a seemingly original script. Whatever the reason, Hollywood had a boner for "Juno" and for Cody, the screenwriter.
It probably didn't hurt that Cody was also supposedly a former Vegas stripper who spent her "Rub Her Tits In Your Face" money on a computer and spent her non-ass-grinding hours writing "Juno". I'm sure that wasn't a hard selling point for Hollywood at all, no sir.
(As a quick aside, Ryan has mentioned to me a few times now, that he suspects that whole backstory is elaborated upon to give Cody a more interesting background than she actually has. He thinks that she danced astride a pole for less than a month, but has fleshed that out in her biography to grab attention. Dunno if that's true or not, I'm just presenting Ryan's theory.)
So, "Juno" is made and does decently well at the box-office and the critics are luke-warm to the movie, but somehow, the film gets a nod for "Best Director" and "Best Picture". Although, everyone on the planet knows that the "Best Picture" will go to the Coen Brothers latest epic film about People Pointlessly Killing Other People, "No Country For Javier Bardem's Haircut."
On Oscar night, though, the sassy young Cody wins the "Best Original Screenplay" award and thanks all the appropriate people and thus begins her career as a talented, respected, young screenwriter, right?
Sort of.
The day after Cody won her award, some forgotten scumbag from her past sells a couple dozen topless pics of her to anyone who is willing to pay for a glimpse of Cody's perky nipples.
Boom.
Less than 24 hours after she wins the oscar, pictures of her wearing a whipped cream bra are posted on the internets. They weren't there the day before. I know. I looked. But give her some prestige and the web is ready to strip that of her, right away.
To celebrate her Oscar win, the scatalogically obsessed media posts headlines about her win over this charming picture of Cody giving her Oscar the beginnings of a pretty well practiced blowjob.
I suspect that a ton of pictures were taken of her with her statue. Non-descript pictures of a happy, young lady with her major award, but none of them really grabs the seedy, learing nature of Hollywood's need to remind us that she probably blew a few guys for extra cash... when she was a stripper...than one where she's about to fellate a small, hard, golden man, do they?
So, the day after she wins the oscar, the interwebs post two important messages
1.) This hot and horny slut will let you lick whipped cream off of her nipples if you pay her enough.
2.) She probably gives good head, huh, fellas? Right? Huh? I bet she does! (Wink Wink).
I am trying to remember which pictures of Paddy Chayefsky, wearing dairy products for underwear, were printed in the newspaper after he won the 1976 oscar for "Best Original Screenplay" for "Network".
Hang on, let me go Google those...
Well, that's as close as you get.
Scandalous.
Honestly, as I sit here and think about how quickly it went from "the Best Night Of Diablo Cody's Life" to "Another Shitty Day In a Shitty Business In a Truly Shitty Town", I really feel sorry for her. I know. I know. She's fine. She's got cash, a good job, an oscar, a contract to write whatever she wants, etc. etc. etc. But I'm still feeling bad about how quickly the media machine shit on her.
And I'm embarrassed that THAT is the culture that we live in. You can't just have a moment to be great at something. You can't just enjoy a little recognition. Before you're done enjoying the moment, the band is already playing you off the stage, the microphone is sinking into the floor and there are hordes of bastards waiting in the wings to shellac you in a head-to-toe coat of shit, much and garbage. You can't just feel "good" about what you did or won. You have to know, "somehow, this will be lessened for me, before a whole day and night pass." And that just sucks.
I feel like we, as a culture, are in a serious need for a little maturation. It feels like our media is being run by 12 year old, little girls, who want to scream and caterwaul about who has a bump and who doesn't and give celebrity couples "adorable" nicknames, like "Bennifer" and "Brangelina". I feel like our media has been Bedazzled to death. And like a 12 year old, little girl, there's swift retribution to be dealt to the "bad girls" and "sluts" of our culture. Diablo Cody used to take her clothes off and writhe for money. So, she deserves to have pictures of all of that, rubbed in her face.
Fucking Juvenile.
It's no wonder that Cody looks so exhausted in this picture, posted on her blog, the morning after she won the Oscar. Apparently, it takes a lot out of a girl to be up all night, blowing Oscar. (And he's STILL hard, the morning after!)
Fucking Ridiculous.
Mr.B
PS. Before you say it, let me be the one to point out that I am just as guilty of my own juvenile media obsessions. Do a quick search for me railing on about how dumb Heidi Klum is or which celebrities I want to nail or what's wrong with Polish porn actresses and you'll see my inner 12 year old, little girl. I know my credentials, as media critic, are for shit. Let's just agree on that principle and then move onto my actual argument here.
5 comments:
Where exactly have you been for the past 100 years?
This country has ALWAYS been this retarded.
Well, let's put it this way. Your actual argument would have more credibility if you had more of the facts straight. Diablo Cody wrote a book called Candy Girl about her work as a stripper, live sex show performer, and phone sex operator. It was this book that garnered her the initial attention of the media, including an appearance on David Letterman, before she had even written a word of her screenplay. To say that she is probably entirely unembarrassed by a photo of herself wearing whipped cream is likely an understatement. I think you're projecting. There is nothing that the internet media can uncover on this girl (and she's around our age, by the way) that she hasn't already revealed herself, deliberately. She probably never imagined that her sextastic bid to attract attention would garner her an Oscar, so to my mind, she's ahead of the game.
Also, you're welcome to disdain movies that you haven't seen, but again, it doesn't really bolster your argument, such as it is.
I too think it's shitty that "we" as a pop culture look for ways to bring out the worst in artists and celebrities. We pay to see the movies, read the books, want to be them, and then revel in their defeat.
I also think that anyone who has worked in the sex industry, or was a stripper, or had any similar kind of non-mainstream career, is prepared for this to be exposed when she steps into the spotlight. The same could be said for a presidential candidate who did some blow in college. I believe she was probably wise enough to know this was going to happen as was her agent, friends, maybe even family.
Believe it or not, she could feel pride for those pictures. Sexy, whipped cream bra poses are hot, she looks great, and may feel empowered by them. How she feels about her past is more important than what the media wants us to think of her.
With all of that said, God I hated Juno.
To be honest, I started reading your past, but it got kind of long and preachy about a movie you admittedly hadn't seen. So I skipped down to the picture of the whipped cream.
So, I was about to tell you not to judge a movie to harshly until you try it out yourself, but then I realized I was about to judge you on a post you made that I hadn't bothered to read the entirety of.
So, I thought that was pretty funny.
I liked Juno. So what if the writing was too clever for a kid that age. I still enjoyed the clever writing. Did you like The West Wing?
Also, Allison Janney and JK Simmons are great.
I should clarify for the people who did skip down (Chip, I ABSOLUTELY understand that instinct, I CAN be "word"y.) I have no problem with the movie, Juno. It doesn't interest me at all, but I don't consider it to be a "bad movie". It's no "Norbit" or "Dragon Wars" or even "Mad Money".
The post was more about how gross it was to have some random fuckwads on the internet capitalize on Cody's new found fame to sell topless pics of her to various online media groups. I thought that the decision to do that was pretty scummy.
So, no harm intended towards the movie. (Admittedly, my irish was up about the issue and I might've pummeled the movie more than I meant to. I don't have good hands for delicate things.) This post wasn't about the movie, itself.
While we're on the topic of how much you like "chick flicks", what DID you think of "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants", you nancy?!?
Cheers,
Mr.B
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